ARCHIVED BLOG POSTS

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CAMP LOCKDOWN

Starved of an audience and bored out of my mind, I have recently taken to strutting around the village, Queen blaring in my ears... Gallileo! (gallileo)
 Gallileo! (gallileo), Gallileo Figaro..magnifico –oh-oh-oh- No! No! No! No! No! No!…
life fright
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Life Fright - an evening of comedy

Hello, darlings! Last Friday 21st June, I premiered my one-woman show Life Fright! for a packed audience at Rook Lane Arts in Frome. It was one of the most exhilarating nights of my life and marked the beginning of my journey as a Stand…
epiphany in pink
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Epiphany in Pink

Last Saturday my friend invited me to a ’House of Honey’ rave in Shepherds Bush. The theme was pink so I decided to come as Penelope Pitstop. As we wandered down the Uxbridge Road people gave me funny looks. ”Do I look like a man?”…
Our Secret
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My Botox hell

Snow White closes the curtains, shines an anglepoise lamp into my eyes and coos the words “You. are. beautiful,” as she pierces my worry line with a needle.
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Hot people

I know perfectly well that Bikram yoga is weird because I heard its Rolex n’ G string-clad founder say on Youtube that one drop of his sperm is worth a million dollars.
Ecstatic Dance
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Man marinade

Cindy said “You’ve been gloomy lately, come to Ecstatic Dance in Bristol”. “OK” I said. But when Cat Weazel opened the door of the venue with “Welcome pilgrims! Check your boundaries at the door,” I wish I'd done what I'd set…
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Rose versus the void

Humans we are lucky and sentient enough to experience unconditional love and that sure beats Lorazepam.
From perky to this
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Sober as a drudge

“I'd rather die than give up alcohol,” said my father, five years before he did die of alcohol-related cancer of the everything, a bottle of Cab Sav wedged between his hospital bed and the wall. Since then I've been faithfully knocking…
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The sexy horseman of Andalucia

Once, not so very long ago, I lived in Niguelas, a beautiful but remote Andaluz village, folded into a crack in the Sierra Nevada mountains.
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How to make friends with the bully in your head

I felt as perky as Victoria Beckham’s breasts when I read that the Coalition have pledged to place treatment for stress, anxiety and depression on a par with physical illness. I'm so TIRED of asking my acquaintances how they are and…
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Christmas Schmistmas

On Christmas Eve I watched two grown women fighting over the last huggable unicorn. Actual fighting. Security called and everything. “Put me in your microwave and I will keep you warm,” promised the unicorn. That's all it was. The promise…
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Don't believe everything you read about the NHS - it's like a fun hotel!

Like most people, I have a fear of hospitals. They spell MRSA, Clostridium Difficile, limbs wrongly removed and exhausted, sub-qualified Congolese nurses misreading decimal points and giving people overdoses. So when my son was injured and…

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