We Need To Talk About Life Fright

We Need To Talk About Life Fright

Mar 07

Life Fright sounds funny when you say it in an Australian accent, that’s why I made it up. But Life Fright actually refers to a real condition, known in internet parlance as Achievemephobia.   So what is Life Fright? According to my experience, Life Fright means a conscious desire for success that is undermined by a subconscious drive to self-sabotage. Life Fright is dark, it is pernicious...

Epiphany in Pink

Epiphany in Pink

Feb 18

Last Saturday my friend invited me to a ’House of Honey’ rave in Shepherds Bush. The theme was pink so I decided to come as Penelope Pitstop. As we wandered down the Uxbridge Road people gave me funny looks. ”Do I look like a man?” I asked my friend. ”Course not,” she said. ”They just don’t have Penelope Pitstop in Mogadishu.” Before the party, we went to a swanky bar and quaffed espresso...

My Botox hell

My Botox hell

Feb 12

Sydney is a blur of yachts, perfect boobs and wealthy dentists all having a whale of a time. But ageing is definitely not kosher. As I discovered last time I was in Sydney when women at parties investigated my lips, jawline, forehead and behind my ears at the speed of a dragonfly. Now, years later, I consider my crow’s feet, worry lines and softening jawline and wonder whether I dare...

Hot people

Hot people

Dec 18

I know perfectly well that Bikram yoga is weird because I heard its Rolex n’ G string-clad founder say on Youtube that one drop of his sperm is worth a million dollars. Plus I’ve spoken to a lady in my gym whose nose was broken by a foot being thrust in her face to ‘What a Feeling’. But that didn’t stop me (having just that morning studied my body from all angles in the strip-lit...

Man marinade

Man marinade

Sep 17

Cindy said “You’ve been gloomy lately, come to Ecstatic Dance in Bristol”. “OK” I said. But when Cat Weazel opened the door of the venue with “Welcome pilgrims! Check your boundaries at the door,” I wish I’d done what I’d set out to do – suck Laughing Cow cheese squares through my teeth whilst watching ’10 Most Mysterious Sea Monster Carcasses Ever Found’ on...

Rose versus the void

Rose versus the void

Aug 27

Mindfulness is said to be so life transforming it’s prescribed by the NHS for depression. But can meditation really turn a stressed-out near breakdown into blissful mental clarity? I did it the hard way with Vipassana, an intense meditation retreat involving 12 hours of meditation every day for 10 days. even years of 15-hour days in the Andaluz heat with two kids under five sent me into...

Sober as a drudge

Sober as a drudge

Jul 05

“I’d rather die than give up alcohol,” said my father, five years before he did die of alcohol-related cancer of the everything, a bottle of Cab Sav wedged between his hospital bed and the wall. Since then I’ve been faithfully knocking it back, night after night, like tens of thousands of wistful middle-aged mothers faced with another evening of cooking along to those hateful...

The sexy horseman of Andalucia

The sexy horseman of Andalucia

Jun 06

Once, not so very long ago, I lived in Niguelas, a beautiful but remote Andaluz village, folded into a crack in the Sierra Nevada mountains. Populated mostly by geriatric olive farmers, Niguelans are known locally as ‘Los Lentos’ which either means ‘the relaxed ones’ or ‘the idiots’ depending on whether or not you live in Niguelas. Life here moves at the speed of a geographic era, and aside from...